How to annoy: The Akatsuki
by AkaneSukishima
Summary: How to annoy your favourite akatsuki member! Just post a review telling me who you want next. First up: Our very own... Kisame hoshigaki! Be nice when you review!
1. Kisame

HOW TO ANNOY KISAME

A/N: There's so many of these, I thought I'd make my own. Be nice when you review! I know there are too many of these, but who cares? One more won't hurt! Enjoy!

stare at him for five minutes. when he asks, just widen your eyes so much it hurts. stay this way till he decides to hit you. then run!

When he's walking, narrate every movement he makes. ex: He's looking left. He's now moving his right hand two inches up. He's ETC...

Ask him if he's a girl. when he asks why you asked, ask why he carries a tampon on his back all the time. Run like hell!

Randomly hit him with a tangerine on the head.

start singing. Any random tune. forget the lyrics. sing the same five words over an over again in his right ear.

ask him if he's WQXZVBD. Don't tell him what they stand for. Just keep asking, and when he gives you an answer, burst out laughing.

Convince Deidara that Kisame needs a demolission done on his room. Run. Far away.

tail him aroud the base. when he asks what you are doing, scream, fall to the floor. Wait till he walks off, and start tailing him again. Repeat the last step for one whole day. Then keep asking him "Why are you following me?" when its really vice-versa.

Tell him that there's mail at the door for him. When he goes to get the "mail", make Sasuke pop out of the box and demand for Itachi.

Send him this list, and then go up to him, and say "Seven days... seven days..." all creepy-like.

A/N: Short, I know. Let me know if you want me to continue with another member. Thanks, and review! This fic, I'm afraid, I will ignore flams for. No flaming this story, or you'll get a not-so-nice reply.

Click the shiny button! Oooohhhh... ssssssshhhhhhhhiiiiiiinnnnnyyyyy!


	2. Itachi

HOW TO ANNOY ITACHI

A/N: I love reviews so much! Especially when people suggest things. Thanks to the people who reviewed my last chapter! Poor Kisame... what I must have put him through... lol I can just picture him spazzing out because of these things. Well, here's Itachi's chapter! Enjoy.

Walk up behind him, and say "I seriously pitty Itachi. The poor thing!" say it loudly. Then run like hell!

Poke him incessantly in the middle of his back. When he turns around to kill you, dodge behind a corner. Repeat fifteen times.

Crash into every wall, and say that his "itachi-ness" is rubbing off on you.

Draw a big red heart on his forhead while he sleeps. With permanent marker. Film his reaction.

Scream the word "weasel" in his ear for no apparent reason. Then run. Don't look at his eyes, whatever you do!

Tell everyone not to make a noise, but act like they are. Put the T.V. on mute and see if Itachi thinks he's deaf.

Write "i love sasuke" on his cloak in dry erase marker. Video tape him walking around with this writing.

Put a "kick the weasel" sign on his back, and video tape it as people kick his butt.

Dy the tips of his hair red while he sleeps.

Put blue hair dy in his shampoo, and afterwards, call him "Konan number two".

Tell Deidara that a demolission is needed in Itachi's room. Don't tell Itachi. Do this while he's on a mission.

A/N: Don't forget to review and tell me who you want next!


	3. Deidara

HOW TO ANNOY: DEIDARA!

A/N: Here's how to annoy Deidara! Review to tell me who you want after this chapter or I won't continue. Enjoy!

While he is sleeping, replace all of his clay with pink silly puddy. Make sure you throw his other clay somewhere he won't ever find it. Laugh for no particular reason. Keep looking at him, then shift your eyes. Repeat for five minutes. Then stop abruptly.

Tobi, scissors, andDeidara's pony-tail. Nuff said.

Cut off the hair that covers the other side of his face. Make sure you do a really bad job at it. Shove the ends in his mouth. Laugh.

Tie him down, and rip off his hair chunk by chunk. Its most effective if you have Tobi helping. Laugh when deidara freaks.

Make out with his left hand. Tell him his right hand isn't haught enough to make out with.

Tie him down, and tie his palm to his face. Make sure it is on his nose. Laugh at his discomfort as his nose is bitten.

Repeat this conversation with him:

"Deidara."

"What, un?"

"Do you like Tobi?"

"No, yeah."

"Is that a yeah, or a no?"

"No."

"Why?"

"Why what, un?"

"Why why what why?"

"What, yeah?"

"Why what why why what why?"

Keep going on like this until he attempts at murdering you. Run like freaking hell has broken loose!

A/N: that's all I could think of. I think Tobi will be next. Review if you have objections. Jeez, now I sound like a court judge.

My readers, do you have anything to say?

-turns to defendents- Any objections?

-hammers desk- attention! Good. -turns to offendents- any objections?

-glowers- good.

lol i feel like judge judy. Don't ask, just don't ask. Review please!


	4. Tobi

A/N: Okay, here's how to annoy Tobi. I had a reviewer who really wanted Tobi, so I'm doing Tobi. I love the encouragement! Keep reviewing. I'm going to wait till at least three reviews are posted to get another chapter started. Thank you so much for reading my stories!

While he's sleeping, paint a bright red and black target on his mask. Make sure everyone sees it and tries to hit it with kunai.

Take a pink bunny slipper, and rip off the ears. Tell Tobi its his fault. The bunny couldn't stand his voice.

Rip out all his hair. Tell him Deidara told you to.

When addressing him, call him "Mada-i mean Tobi". Wait for him to smack you around for that. Run!

Have his mother come and spank him. Afterwards, reppromand him for being such a bad boy.

Tell him he's really mean. Use the pink bunny slipper as an example.

Randomly rip his mask off. Don't give it back. Tie his hands behind his back so he can't cover his face.

Take off his mask, and take a picture. Sell it to the fangirls.

A/N: Shorter i know but i couldn't think of anything else, and most of them are reader and reviewer ideas. Thank you Kakashi Forever and Tentenperson! You two gave me ideas for this one. You saved me! lol anyways, yeah. review please!


	5. Hidan

A/N: after a while, i'm finally putting up yet another chapter! Its Hidan's turn in the torture box!

When its Christmas, give him a Christian bible.

While he's doing a ritual, hold up a super strong magnet. Blood has iron in it, and so do the ritual weapons. Catch what i'm sayin'?

Tape large posters of heaven on his walls, securing them in place with his ritual weapons.

Weld safe-guards on the blades on his scythe.

Replace all of his ritual weapons with card-board tubes and sheetsof folded paper from Konan.

Get a group of jahova's (sp?) witnesses to try to convert him once a week.

Wrap him up in caution tape and claim that no one may go within ten feet of him due to severe blood loss from close proximity.

A/N: That's all I could think of at the time. Please review!


	6. Kakuzu

A/N: Since i had a few requests for Kaku-kun, I decided to do him right after I posted last chapter. I'm on a roll today people! Also, expect another chapter of Hey Akatsuki real soon. Enjoy!

Take all of his money, burn it, and let him watch the ashes blow away in the wind.

Video tape him durring one of his spazzes about losing the lottery, and post it on one of the most watched youtube channels.

Drag him to a wishing well, and use all of his coins because "I want you to win the lottery, but I need to wish for it first! But the well won't cooperate."

Remove his mask, take a video of him spazzing, and threaten to show all of takigakure the video.

Take off his mask, and sell pictures to the fangirls.

When he states that "money makes the world go round", let him know that "Oh really? I thought gravity had something to do with it."

Kick him in the shins, call him a rip-off artist, and tell Sasori and Deidara that there's more than their kind of art.

A/N: Okay, short, I know, but tat's all i could think of that were reasonable. Please review! Shiny buttons like to be clicked, yeh know!


	7. Sasori

A/N: Another chapter for my readers! I feel on top ofthe world today...well except for a stomach ache, and a headache... i guess I don't. I just feel very happy to write for you guystoday. I'm up for performance, right keyboard?

Keyboard: click click

me: anyhow, on with the chapter! Up next is ... sasori no dana!

Draw little smiley-faces on his puppet scrolls. When he asks, tell him that it looks more like art when its "artsified".

(of course) Tell him that Deidara (obviously) is so much cooler and better than him.

Tell him that Deidara is (you know its true) cuter than him, and let him know it everyday.

Write his name backwards (Irosas) and point out it look's like Iro's ass. (avatar: the last airbender reference)

Put make-up on his puppet's while they're stationary. As soon as they move, calmly say "no fighting in the salon, please."

Dy his hair purple, and use a jutsu to make it way longer. Put it up in a spikey pony-tail. See where i'm goin'? (Anko!)

When he's fixing a puppet, run up and yank off his cloak. when he asks for it back, refuse and stick your tongue out. make sure it isn't cut off!

A/N: That's all I could think of, yall. (I feel very OOC today if that's possible). Review please!


	8. Konan

A/N: How to annoy Konan! Read and review this please. it'd make for a very happy Akane Sukishima!

Burn her paper flower, and take all of her paper so she can't make another one, that means basically taking her hands off.

Soak her in water while she's fighting.

Get Kisame to make a lake, and push her in while she's folding.

Get Itachi to make you a fireball, and throw it at her while she's fighting.

Rip every paper object in sight when your mad at her.

When she frustrates you, chew on random pieces of her paper. When she asks, tell her you're immitating Zetsu.

Draw on all of her paper. Horrible little scribbles. When she asks, say your learning art from Sasori. Watch her freak out at him.

A/N: Short, i know. I couldn't think of anything else! Review please!


	9. Pein

A/N: Due to a request by one of my reviewers, here is Pein's chapter! Read and review please. Enjoy!

While he's sleeping, pour black mascara all through out his hair. The water-proof kind. Make sure his hair is completely coated.

(jeez this sounds like a recipe... a recipe for disaster)

Pull out one of his piercings. Run away with it. Far, far away!

Dye his hair blue. Ask him if that's how much he likes Konan.

Paint all of his piercings pink or purple, and let him know afterwards that he looks like a transvestite.

Tell him things about Konan that he really shouldn't know, then tell him if he tells her, he won't get a hug.

(from her, people. from her.)

Dance around the hide-out, and don't tell him why. Then invite him and Konan. Leave them at one of his moment's of need. (that's just a good way to P.O both of them... pein doesn't seem like he'd be good with girls... sorry pein fans!)

Shave off his eyebrows. When he asks, tell him "they were ruining the whole evil look thing, ya know? They just didn't fit somehow."

Stab his forehead with a black pen repetitively.

Rip out all of his piercings while he's sleeping. Don't take them out, rip them out. Flesh and all. (ew)

A/N: yep, all i could thiink of. Enjoy read and review people.


	10. Zetsu

A/N: And... here's how to annoy Zetsu! This fic is almost done. If you guys would really want me to, please review and let me know if you want me to write their reactions to each one in fic form for the next ten chapters. Enjoy Zetsu's chapter!

When you give him food, make sure to slip some weed killer into it.

(Evil I know.)

Dunk him in milk. He looks like a deranged oreo kind of. But still, put weed killer in it.

(-Evil laughter is heard-.)

Stab him with a pen. Not any old pen, a black ink pen.

Cut off a leaf with scissors. Little kids patterned scissors. Run. Fast.

Take out a box, and slam it onto his face. Run. Really really fast, not that he can see you with the box on his face.

Take a permanent red marker and draw a line that marks the exact spot that the black and white shift.

Write "kickme" on his forehead, "punchme" on his back. Make sure he has no clue either. Do what the writing says to do.

When he's eating, give him a bowl of salad. When he spazzes, tell him while running that he's a canabal, isn't he?

A/N: Not as funny as I could do, but I had the urge to write it. And i haven't gotten very many reviews for my story Hey Akatsuki lately. Any of you who haven't read it yet, read and review it please! I'll give you an E-cookie!


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